A few of you brought up a potentially tricky decorating dilemma a couple of posts ago and I was asked how I handle it. At risk of opening up a sensitive topic {ducking and cringing}, how many of you married ladies (not to exclude any single or male readers, you can still chime in on the subject!) struggle at all with decorating a home in a style that both you AND your husband feel comfortable in?
Do your husbands ever comment on your decorating style? Do they voice their own opinions on things like paint color, fabrics or accessories? I know a lot of husbands leave the decorating decisions completely to their wife, but many men have opinions none the less. I know mine does!
How do you all deal with making decorating decisions around the house?
In our home, we have always made a lot of the major decorating or remodeling decisions together, and most of the time it works well for us. My husband is really creative and has an eye for detail I appreciate. He has stretched me to see new things. I love having him on board with the projects.
My husband basically lets me handle the decorating end of things if I want to, he knows that is my passion. He has confidence in me and wants me to have fun, but still likes to be involved. I’m good with that. I try to involve him as much as possible and if he doesn’t like something, I try to work on it until he is happy with it. I think we get a nice balanced look that way. I enjoy having a home we both feel good about.
Often we agree on what to do from the beginning, but sometimes I have to convince him of my new ideas. And sometimes I just have to rearrange the furniture without him and then he sees how great it looks! He isn’t as good at visualizing the final look so I have to SHOW him what I mean for him to get it.
To be honest, now and then I would love to just take off on my own and do my decorating thing and not even discuss it with him at all! I told him that one time (in fun) and he said he would be fine with that if I really wanted to. Hmmm….thinking about that one!
I might like a little more “aw, cute” around my house, but cute is not exactly what my husband loves. He loves natural wood (there is no painting wood (even ugly wood) or natural material of any kind, is this a man thing? I think so). He loves jewel tones (oh boy, at least I can get him to bend a little on the color scheme). My latest brainstorm of wanting to paint a wood armoire in a spring color nearly made him hyperventilate. I’m working with him on that idea. I think he’ll love it when it is done.
I can sometimes sneak a little bunny or birdie in, but if I went too crazy with them and hung sweet things all over the house, he’d want to hang some giant deer head over the fireplace to balance out the cute. Thank goodness he doesn’t insist on doing the decorating himself. I would jump out of my skin if there was a real dead animal head on my mantle. A ceramic bunny on the mantle, yes. Deer head, no.
So tell me, do YOUR husbands say anything at all about decorating? Is your home a reflection of both of your tastes? How has your style evolved in the time you have been married? No husband bashing and there is no right or wrong here, just curious how you all come to decorating decisions.
Photo: Absolutely Beautiful Things, Snapper Lodge
Country Home
I have been a professional decorator for about 15 years. With my customers it is nearly always the women who make the decorating decision. Most men it would seem are more laid back with the decor choices.
My darling hubby is a custom cabinet and furniture maker…can we say NO to painted wood? No matter how crummy it looks…but he is very sensitive to new trends, etc and finally catches up with me…yeah, painted kitchens are making a comeback. (DUH!) But I’m not allowed to paint ours (we rent). Periodically I threaten to paint the hutch (I hate the color) just to yank his chain.
He allows me to do anything pretty much, but he has a few conditions (stop adding black to everything) There are 3 photo frames that I painted black and now he fears that I am doing everything in black..oh yeah, and the little bookcase. Geez.
But as I redo our bedroom, I ask for his input on things and I can foofy all I want…
I tell everyone that my husband decorates the house. He has a great eye for how things will look, what colors go together, and how people will move through rooms. Every once in a while I’ll add something temporary, like a handmade decoration, or a little arrangement of my grandmother’s music boxes, but it’s mostly him. Funny thing is, I’ll spend a month thinking about where to put something, and it will work. He’ll blast out hours of work in one weekend, and it works…so between the two of us, we’re turning our house into a home. He’s very supportive, though- if I try something, he’ll notice and comment, but never criticize. If it doesn’t work, we both figure that out pretty quickly. Thanks for the great post!
Myrnies inspiring blog post..2009 Garden Rundown
My husband loves to garden and do all of the yard work, so he has a special interest in anything that has to do with the exterior or landscaping or any outside decorating. So early on in our marriage, we came to the agreement that he would have the final say on all of the outdoor decorating while I would be the one ultimately responsible for the decorating decisions inside the home. This arrangement works great for us! He’s pretty happy with whatever I choose. He probably wouldn’t be ok with me decorating with a lot of pink or anything shabby chic (apart from our baby girl’s nursery), but that’s not my style anyway. And I don’t always LOVE everything he picks for the outside, but I’d prefer his choices to me actually working in the yard! We make sure to consult each other on the big things and compromise at times, with sensitivity towards each other’s preferences, not doing something we know the other one hates. Of course, like most men, he has more of an interest in the things we spend more money on.
Hannah E.s inspiring blog post..Serving Like Jesus
Oh yes! My husband definitely has an opinion and it’s usually a good one! However he is more about convenience {meaning he leaves things out} but his eye for color is great and I love the way he appreciates quality!
Heidi@TrulyEngagings inspiring blog post..For the Love of Words
oh and I keep coming back to that first photo. why is it that when my house is cluttery like that, it doesn’t look nearly so pretty?
Emily@remodelingthislifes inspiring blog post..Living Room Makeover
I have to say that this post made me laugh. There is always a little tug of war going on when I decorate. In my own mind, I know that my husband will not be comfortable in a frilly, girly room, so I try to balance. The screened porch is where I can get away with a white wicker shabby pastel look. The rest of the house goes from traditional to beach cottage chic. It weighs on my mind so much, that I once had a dream about my husband wanting to decorate. In my dream, we turned the garage, a big 2 car size with very high ceiling and back side of brick fireplace, into a family room. He filled it with a pool table and all black leather furniture. Since I had given him carte blanche, there was nothing that I could do. I woke up feeling very frustrated and a little cranky that day. That is why I thought this question was so funny. As a rule, my husband is happy with how I decorate the house, and his only “joke” about it is that, one day he will come in and break his neck because I am always rearranging things.
Susan
black eyed susans kitchens inspiring blog post..WALKING AND READING AND WINNING AND LOSING
Natural wood and Men go together. My hubby built a SOLID oak entertainement center in wood shop in the 10th grade 21 years ago. Oh my goodness!! Anyway, it become “ours” when we were married in ’96. I have asked him on several occasions if he would think about repurposing the wood into something that would fit our family. I’ve been met with silence, but not a definite No. Maybe if I suggest painting it……black, barn red, YELLOW with golden undertones. Seriously, he would say. Oh well. For the most part I can do what I want. When it comes to things like paint on the wall I do ask his opinion. He usually has sound advice, and most of the time I like his choices better than my initial pick.
Beth Bridgess inspiring blog post..PAINT IS DRY
Steve lets me do most anything with the decorating. I loved the retro pink kitchen appliances we picked up over the years! We even put all our new appliances in storage so we could live with the cool old stuff. But when the old pink ‘fridge handle broke, he drew the line. He refused to use a screwdriver to open the refridgerator when we had a perfectly new ‘fridge in the basement. geessh….
Blessings… Polly
Pollys inspiring blog post..Spring Chick
This is one area where my husband and I get along great! He has NO eye for design, so he really doesn’t notice when I do something different. It’s kinda funny. I will move things around sometimes to see if he even notices. He has great taste in art and enjoys our paintings. The only thing he insisted on having when we first got married was a grandfather clock. Hey, it’s wonderful and way better than an ugly recyliner:-)
Amy @ Living Locurtos inspiring blog post..Book Party
I am cracking up at this post!!! My husband and I used to agree on EVERYTHING! We had fun decorating together. Love him dearly and he is the best picture hanger ever…but, he is still stuck in the hunter green, cranberry, navy phase and just can’t part with some stuff. It is now residing in our guest room!!! I should post a pic of this place!
I’m trying not to hurt his feeling with my “new style”, but I think he has just given up and letting me do it all.
Mary Jeans inspiring blog post..The Only Room I Have Not Painted
I love all of your comments! You all are cracking me up with your stories.
Compromise is definately the standard in our house. I love French Country with a Swedish twist. I love the French country greys and whites…The Swedish whites and a touch of red or green…My husband who is Swedish by the way, loves Provence colors of reds, blues, greens, yellows…same with the Swedish colors…He loves bright and vibrant. I love pales and softer. We are working it out…
Hugs,
Penny
My husband doesn’t really care just as long as the house is tidy and somewhere that he feels like he can relax in. He doesn’t really like change or interuption which can be a bit tricky when I’m wanting to redo the house and he justs wants to spend his weekends winding down. I’ve been choosing the paint colours, I’m sure if I asked him to choose between two shades of blue he’d just roll his eyes, so I’m lucky that I get a bit of a free rein but I am concious that he’s the only male in our house so have steered away from making the bedroom too girly (in my opinion anyway- he probably says it’s girly with too many cushions).
Most of the wood furniture that I’ve painted have been mine that he’s made me for presents so technically I can do what I want with it. He drew the line at a coffee table he brought home from work though, saying I wasn’t allowed to cover up the lovely wood. He doesn’t understand when I try to point out that it’s a yellow pine that’s just going to get yellower every year.
Esthers inspiring blog post..A bathroom re-do
This post made me smile and remenisce (sp?!) on my DH’s blue recliners with cup holders that got the boot when we got married. And the oak furniture that also got the boot and/or a slap of white paint. So, in answer to your question he gladly gives me free reign…although I will say, we recently painted and I narrowed us to 2 choices and he picked…it was cute. And there is a slight possiblity I just put pink toile in my living room. I hope I don’t get my decorating rights revoked!
Bugs & Sunshines inspiring blog post..Move that bus!
Husband offers opinions on matters of “function” and organization rather than decorating. We still have moments of disagreement in that arena.
I never really heard about what he thought of our house until a few years ago. He came home from a work trip where he stayed with a bachelor friend in LA and worked out of an L.A. office. The apartment was sparse, not particularly clean, and lacking. He came home and said, “I need to tell you how much I appreciate delicate touch of a womans decorating. I never really thought about it before but when I had to live in those conditions for an extended period of time I came to miss the thoughtful touches you bring to our home that really makes it warm and comfortable for me.” Ahh…. Swoon… he won me over. He realized at that moment that it was “right” that I decorated the house. However, truth be known, I need to respect that he’s manly and that’s why I love him. Our room will never be shabby pink or drip with roses!
Great thought provoking post dear friend!
Pretty Organizers inspiring blog post..Saturday Jobs Made Simple
Oh this is a good one. My Love is definitely involved and has a strong decorating opinion of his own. Problem is his style and mine are totally different. I would say I am shabby chic, he is into modern design. So it is a constant battle between lace and leather, or chrome and fabric in our house. But we make it work. I cut down on the foofing and fluffing and he tolerates pillows and plates. But I often dream about how our house would look like (or in what house I would live for that matter) if I had free reign. But My Love is a cutie anyway and I’d rather snuggle with him on our chrome and leather couch (ouch not my taste), than sit on a fluffy toile couch by myself. And mixing the styles in a pleasing way has become my major challenge and I kind of like it that way. But I am still very jealous at the freedom so many of you ladies have.
Mariannes inspiring blog post..May I introduce to you: my dressform
For the most part my husband and I are pretty much on the same page when it comes to decorating ideas. However, some of the more off the wall ideas that I throw out to him, he is quick to say…that is ugly! He can be real quick to let me know when he doesn’t like something. He lets me do my thing with ‘little’ bits of input on certain things. He is proud of our house and the decorating that I (‘we’) have done. Of course, my ‘honey-do list’ is ever growing with all the great decorating inspiration that I recieve from my ‘blog-hopping’.
Cherri Engles inspiring blog post..Some Recent Layouts
Stacy, I’m thinking that you can let your DH bring in the dear head. Surround it with plates and hang lace curtain from his antlers.
Oh man, I misspelled ‘dear’ head..um, DEER head.
umm yep right there with ya. what is up with the love of jewel tones- my hubby whole apartment was decorated that way when we met- 12 years ago & he STILL leans towards those colors- can you say hello 90′s! & yep on the natural wood thing too. But he does let me have my way around here- he says Honey I will love whatever you do!
Amandas inspiring blog post..Spring-a-ling
This is amazing! I thought my sweetie was the only one in the world who is shocked, horrified, speechless that anyone would want to paint “that beautiful {stained or natural wood or trim or…whatever!}” instead of basking in the beauty and lines of the wood. I, on the other hand, tell him I like to bask in the beauty of HIS craftsmanship in creating the cupboard, table, etc. and can see that better when it is painted! Sometimes, it works!
All that said, my sweetie is THE best. I give a little 2 x 2 yellow posted with an idea or a design for a cupboard. Then, he tries to figure out how to make it work. He is amazing!
Our compromise is not too many florals in the house, I can have all I want in the gardens or in the bouquets he brings home every week–even after 30 years of marriage!
Great post!
Debbykay
Rose Cottage Gardens and Farm
Debbykays inspiring blog post..Inspired by Red
Suprisingly, my husband likes to be involved in designing/decorating.
Generally, I do all of the legwork to narrow things down to 3 choices which I present to him. He then selects his favorite of the 3.
Occasionally he’ll try to bring home something and when I raise my eyebrows and try to explain why it doesn’t work he’ll try and argue. I then have to pull out the trump card. No, not childbirth, the wee small fact that I have a degree in design.
Laura Ingalls Gunns inspiring blog post..All Things Irish~ China
Suprisingly, my husband likes to be involved in designing/decorating.
Generally, I do all of the legwork to narrow things down to 3 choices which I present to him. He then selects his favorite of the 3.
Occasionally he’ll try to bring home something and when I raise my eyebrows and try to explain why it doesn’t work he’ll try and argue. I then have to pull out the trump card. No, not childbirth, the wee small fact that I have a degree in design.
My husband, while he has decorating opinions, does not care nearly as much as I do how things look. That being that case I do what I want. However, I have noticed over the years that my taste has become a lot more like his. I would never do anything to our home that he hates; I want it to reflect both of us.
Joys inspiring blog post..Yellow Belly Button Bear
I have never understood how men can be SO visual when it comes to naked women, but not decorating.
My father used to love wall paper, bless his heart, it was sort of psycho from room to room.
I have a belief that whom ever feels strongly about something, along with knowledge, should have more say in the decision. Perhaps I just don’t know any straight men with good style in interiors.
Good design is important, a home everyone is comfortable in is more important. I would never put lace and ruffles if I had a man in the home. Nor would I feel he should put deer head and chrome if he wants me there. Dead animals do not make me feel sexy just like ruffles do not make him feel manly. So my point is, most times women are far better at design, but consider your husband.
Ambers inspiring blog post..Lemon Sour Cream Glazed Iced Pound Cake
Right now – everything revolves around trying to keep my DH comfortable more than style but he has never been picky and has always been happy with what I have picked out.
Julie Sizes inspiring blog post..White Blood Cells – Chapter 15
Well, I’m not married YET
But, Caleb and I have actually talked a lot about this and how we want to make our home a reflection of both of us. Luckily his house also has space for each of us to have our own “office” aka “craft room/video game room”
I think we’ll keep things neutral and go more masculine with textiles and feminine with accessories.
Karas inspiring blog post..Fun Foodie Centerpiece Idea, and a Wild Turkey
My partner isn’t strongly interested in most matters dealing with colors and decoration. For the most part, we divvy up responsibilities based on who has the better skill, so a majority of decorative decisions fall to me. But we also try to find things that both of us are happy with. We manage to discuss the topic successfully more often than not.
Elizabeth Barrettes inspiring blog post..What Are Green Buildings?
I think this is a great question! My husband has learned over the years that I can come up with some (what seem like) crazy ideas at first, but if he just gives me time they usually turn into great designs…..so I guess I’ve trained him well.
As a redesigner, I go into a lot of people’s homes and invariably I have to chuckle at the comments the husbands make. They don’t initially say they care, but I would say about 75% of the time, they have an opinion about how things look and they’ll tell you if you get it wrong!
My husband has been gone for about 2 weeks and since then I’ve redesigned our bedroom (these sort of things happen a lot when he’s on trips), so I hope he likes it!
Jens inspiring blog post..Hidden Potential– Solano County Home Staging
My husband has done so much to boost my confidence. He definitely has opinions about what he likes, but more than anything, he tells me that whatever I do with our home is what he likes. He just told me the other day that if for some horrible reason he was on his own and I wasn’t around anymore, he thinks his place would be much cooler than if I had never influenced his taste.
When I was single I liked more Victoria Magazine kind of stuff, but I’ve moved on from that and like floral & fru fru less and less, much to the benefit of my husband. I try to keep him and his masculinity in mind with every decorating decision I make, and he’s always happy!
Erins inspiring blog post..Sharpie Art & A Quiet Rainy Saturday
Melissa, I find it so fascinating to read what other women’s significant others have to say about their decorating ideas. It seems as if the majority of your readers seem to have a lot of authority and decision making power when it comes to decorating style.
I am going to give you a retailer’s position on the whole selection process. My husband and I are both in the retail furniture business & I do the decorating. I can’t tell you how many times we’ve waited on women who come in to select home furnishings and accessories but don’t actually buy because, ” I have to ask my husband first.”
I guess it’s because I have always had carte blanche when it came to any purchase selection, not just decorating, that I still have a hard time understanding the customer who can’t do anything without her spouse’s permission. Not that I don’t think the Mr. shouldn’t have any input, mind you; it’s just that so often the Mr. pooh poohs many of the ideas and selections that the Mrs. makes. A sales person can spend a lot of time first with the wife, then with husband and wife together. It’s great when the couple comes to a consensus and we make the sale. But I can’t tell you how many times we’ve seen couples fight and argue with one another, only to walk out the door. And can you imagine what it can be like to be in their home when they start to argue? oooohhh … It’s times like these that we just look at each other, throw up our hands, and laugh! What else can we do?
Another fabulous topic! It’s always intriguing watching how a space changes to reflect who lives there and the dynamics between them.
Bejeweleds inspiring blog post..Vintagey Lucite Flower Goodness
The reason why I never got the courage to fix up any of our homes…until recently…is because I asked my husband’s opinion and was so worried what he’d think. Meanwhile, nothing got done around the house. Once I started blogging and met all you wonderful bloggers, I got the courage to step over some boundaries. SOME. I am still very careful. But so far he hasn’t objected and I am so much happier in my home! I know where to draw the line – don’t make anything too feminine. Don’t hang plates in the master bedroom. (He hates plates on any wall, but so far he hasn’t commented on the plates in the dining room.) He knows that I am much more connected to this house than he is. In other words, its appearance affects me more than him. So he’s been really good about not saying much. I’m realizing I can probably get away with much more!
Well… it’s pretty much me, but I do have to run colour choices past him. Recently I chose a shade of blue for the dining room, but he vetoed it for a lighter shade, which I don’t mind as he agrees with pretty much everything else I do
Liz@VioletPosys inspiring blog post..Violets
I used to ask Earl’s opinion about every project I did. And I always worked his suggestions into the project because I want thim to be happy in our home too! But, it just didnt work out. he loves brown and I love bright color. He loves plain walls and I like something to look at! I eventually realized that I am the one who spends the most time at home and really the only one who cares a lot what things look like. And while he doesn’t always get my concept at first he always loves the finished product when I decorate so he is happy.
Kathys inspiring blog post..
One thing that is important for us is to talk about everything — sharing in the process is just as important as the end product. Actually, our college student son is more opinionated about the decorating at our home!! He is so funny about our choices, and usually has better ideas than either one of ours!
Debbykay
Debbykays inspiring blog post..Time in a Bottle
My husband definitely gives me free reign over the house, but just like your husband, he does have an opinion and he’s definitely the jewel-tone, don’t-paint-it-stain-it kind of guy you described.
So much of our house is still in transition from baby/toddler-kid-time and college just-starting-out-time that it’s hard to get started. We recently purchased a new dining room table, chairs, and hutch that we fell in love with. It’s dark wood and old world feeling, but since moving it home, I’m feeling like the chairs (these huge black leather, antiqued brass nail head covered chairs!) are a bit too “formal-old-world” for me to meet my inspiration word of comfort (everyday living, nothing so formal you don’t use it EVERY day) for our home.
I’m also working on him to let me paint an armoire I got to house our kids toys red… he’d rather stain it… but we’ll see. Maybe we’ll compromise and stain it with a red stain.
Thanks for all your inspiration, and for letting us know that you too have a balancing act to pull off with your husband.
No painting wood of any kind is SUCH a man thing!
I think over time our tastes have somewhat melded…I’ve been pleasantly surprised by how open he’s been to the decor of the house. That said, every once in a while I have to throw him a bone…and as such will soon be the proud owner of a swivel recliner.
Alas.
laura @ the shore houses inspiring blog post..What a dish.
Hubby and I mostly agree on what we like though he is also against the painting of the wood!
He does like to have some input.
One thing he is a stickler about – absolutely NO shabby chic! So I do honor that. There might be a decoration here or there that could fall into that category, but that’s it.
Lisa @ Stop and Smell the Chocolatess inspiring blog post..Wordless Wednesday ~ Sleeping Dog
I’m so jealous of those wives whose husbands don’t care about decorating. Unfortunately, mine is very opinionated. If he could he would buy only from IKEA and keep the hand-me downs from his parents. I don’t mind spending a little extra and getting furniture that will LAST. My husband claims that if he didn’t give his opinion it would be like living in someone elses home. However, by and large we have very similar tasts. To mediate fights he lets me pick out several “options” when it comes to furniture, color, ect and he chooses which ones he likes. In the end we come to an agreement on something we both can live with.
Agreed many times over! The designer plays interpreter, arbiter, mediator, and finally, designer!
Twitter: GK2011
says:
As I’ve been working on going through all of your old posts (after having come upon your blog a month or so ago), I find this post, as the guy that I am, quite amusing. The reason I started reading this is that, as a college-age guy, I’ve been wanting to make the house I’m sharing with a couple friends feel more like a home. Coming upon this post in particular, as my girlfriend and I are looking to move forward in our relationship (and thus have been talking about the future), I had to pause for a couple minutes to just laugh.. Because, as it turns out, I (me! the guy!) am going to most likely be the one doing the majority of the decorating when we eventually move in together. Just thought I’d share that amusing lil tidbit
Yes my husband has an opinion and it is a strong one! He has the stronger personality then I do so his way wins, it is easier that way. I happen to be the woman that loves the exposed wood look, I love rustic
I would rather have painted walls then wall paper and a simple design is easier to clean then something with notches, nook and cranies. My husband loves victorian. I can picture him sitting on a proper victorian style couch with a bag of chips playing video games. We are in the process of fixing a shell of a house that is 130 years old and the most difficult part is who decides what doors, window and everything else there is to chose. Do those dating sites have a decorating question on them? because they should. I need just 1 room to be mine that is me and my style to feel comfortable in the house. So in my case, I like what most men like, plain, simple and my husband likes all the trim and bows. So maybe like most men I say whatever and plan on retreating to my craft room to feel comfotable in my own space even if I have to put a tent on the lawn to do it.