Once upon a time, I was definitely a reluctant entertainer. I wasn’t reluctant about having people over, though, I was reluctant to have them over for dinner. I didn’t know how to cook anything that resembled what I thought was a “guest worthy dinner.” I was intimidated by friends who made delicious four course sit down dinners, always had their houses clean, and would never put the salad plate where the bread plate was supposed to go. It was just all too much for me.
I knew I’d never measure up to my own expectations of what I thought “having guests for dinner” meant. In order to hide my lack of confidence — and quite honestly to hide my lack of desire to gain gourmet cooking skills, I would throw Make Your Own Pizza parties, Ice Cream Sundae parties, and Taco Salad bars. Cause I am fancy like that.
If it was easy to make and preferably if people had to assemble it themselves, I was safe. I mean, if your ice cream sundae tasted awful it was your own fault. Right? Right. BRILLIANT I tell ya!
Looking back, I now realize there should have been no shame in any of my attempts at entertaining. At the time I felt I was an epic fail as a hostess, even though in hindsight I was just trying to find a way to have people over that was manageable for me and allowed me to let go of unrealistic expectations (and let’s be honest here, I wanted to be able to spend more time decorating than I spent cooking! Soooo true, I cannot make this stuff up. )
Little did I know my desire to focus on authenticity over perfection in entertaining and decorating, {and my passion for creating ambience in decorating over the task of preparing a gourmet meal in a kitchen}, would someday lead to this blog The Inspired Room. Clearly I would never be writing a cooking blog. AND The Inspired Room would lead me to some of my best friends in the whole wide web world, Sandy and Nester, and the three of us would write a book about ourselves called The Reluctant Entertainer.
OK, that last part is a lie.
Sandy is the only one who wrote the book. But you knew that.
I just feel pretty special to see my name on the back, even though I knew it was going to be there. And this weekend was the first time I had actually seen it in real life!!
I took this picture at night holding it up to my camera. And somehow a black smudge got on the book and I didn’t even notice until just now.
I might have written 20 bazillion blog posts over the years but I have never written a book. So it might be a small thing to celebrate, but I am SO EXCITED to have my name on a book! ESPECIALLY on the back of THIS ONE, right next to my pal Nester. Nester and I completely and wholeheartedly believe in the message Sandy shares:
Entertaining is not about perfection, it is about connection.
Giveaway: Book, Apron & Tea Towel
TWO lucky winners.
To celebrate my dear friend Sandy’s new book, today I am giving away a copy of The Reluctant Entertainer to TWO lucky winners and if that is not so amazing by itself, each winner will ALSO receive a beautiful demi pink sorbet apron and tea towel (pictured above) from The Hip Hostess! SOOO adorable, you will totally want to have a party just to wear this apron and set out your tea towel. And with your handy dandy guide from Sandy on how to make entertaining doable, you’ll be all set to invite people over tomorrow night!
If you want to buy a copy of Sandy’s book for yourself or for a gift, you can find it here in my amazon store! This book is truly amazing and inspiring, you really will love it! I promise!
To enter this giveaway, leave a comment here about your most embarrassing entertaining story or your biggest reluctance in having people over. Then go let your friends know about the giveaway on Facebook, Twitter and your blog and come back to let me know where you posted about this and you’ll get extra entries!
Giveaway is now closed!
Thanks for entering!
My most embarrassing entertaining story is about a New Year’s Eve party that didn’t happen. I had gone all out and made the house look beautiful, and I had lots of food. I even created a special drink. No one showed up. It turns out no one got invited.
I would like to be entered in your contest for the RE book. Thanks!
My most embarrassing hostess story, I invited a family (of six) over for dessert, so it was a later hour, like 7:00. If I had invited them for dinner it would have been 5:30 or 6:00. Anyway, they came in looking for supper, everyone hungry, moment of panic for me to say the least. I made grilled cheese sandwiches and don’t remember what else. I do know I had a special dessert.
Not long after we were married, I had my husband’s family over for his birthday, cousins and all. It was the first time I made a birthday cake and I used lowfat margarine instead of butter for the icing. I had to put the cake in the freezer to try to keep the icing from dripping off!!! What a mess, thankfully it tasted ok!! I don’t skimp on calories anymore when baking desserts:)
My biggest fear is usually that the house will not be clean enough. I am not (ahem) obsessive about cleaning, I like a clean house but I lead a busy life and sometimes the dust bunnies procreate when I’m not looking. When I do have a party it’s always a good one and if anyone notices dust they are kind enough not to draw in it:>)
I just tweeted the give away!
Kathleen Grace recently posted..Red sky at Night
I would love to entertain more but my house is soooo small. It feels cramped when there are more than 4 adults around at a time, which makes entertaining difficult
I actually love entertaining – in theory! The worst moment for me was cooking for my boyfriend a couple of years ago at my parent’s house. I was vegan and tried to make a potato gratin with rice milk – no one told me that’s impossible! We ended up with a sort of baked potato soup that tasted entirely of rice. Ever eat a potato that tasted like rice? It makes one wonder if one’s been poisoned and/or drugged.
Now I make it with cream, and it’s heaven.
When we were first married, our house was tiny and getting ready for company meant even drawers had to be cleaned out to make everything fit. We invited a couple to dinner and I went to work, frantically cleaning every inch. My daughter bumped her head and I tried to console her. She kept asking “Play with me, please?” I stopped cleaning, pulled her onto my lap and read to her. The couple stayed less than two hours. The next day I sat down at the dining table and began to laugh. A huge cobweb was dangling from the ceiling. The very tidy wife had to have seen it while eating dinner. My daughter is now an English teacher and we both love to entertain, dust bunnies and all!
Hi Melissa! Sandy’s book sounds great – that apron is so cute too! I’m agree with Kathleen {above} I am a neat freak to and I am always worried about how clean my house is & cleaning up afterwards. I always want everything to be perfect!
Lynne recently posted..Summer is Flying By!
I received Sandy’s book in the mail a week ago. I had it read in two days!! I just echo everything you said about the book! It is so real and encouraging about opening up our homes and our lives to others!
My reluctance? Having two littles at my feet while trying to keep the house presentable (with random 2 & 5 year old toys strewn about) and having those same two helpers in the kitchen while preparing a meal. Will I ever get it done in time??? My other hangup is that I always want my house to be perfect. Must.let.all.of.that.go! I’d love to win this fabulous giveaway so I can start entertaining more with confidence.
My worst entertaining experience occurred when I was a young bride. I made a meal for my husband’s family that required fresh herbs, but I didn’t have fresh so I substituted with equal amounts of dried herbs, not thinking about how the dried herbs were concentrated. The dish was totally inedible and we had to throw the whole thing down the drain and order pizza! It’s taken me many years to overcome the reputation of being the worst cook in the family!! But hey, at least my tablescape looked good!
Melissa, thank you for this opportunity to win Sandy’s book. I’m dying to get my hands on a copy of it!!
My house is not very big and there is only seating for 4, maybe 5 adults at the table. All of our friends have kids (including us) so it feels really cramped when we have folks over. I would love to win this book – I have been reading her website for a while trying to convince myself that I CAN entertain!
Melissa S recently posted..ErrHappy Halloween
I know part of being a homemaker is hosting friends and family but it just scares me….cuz I am not perfect…oh, did you know that? I love this post cuz it reminds me of me. I am so going to get this book. I have been waiting for it since I heard about it at the “A Woman Inspired” conference. So glad you got to be in it!!! Have a blessed day!
Karen recently posted..Flooding In Our State – Please Pray!
I am fascinated by people who love to cook, I too would prefer to make the house pretty, or the table center piece, than a tasty meal. I view cooking as a chore, and fear that comes out in the meals I prepare for my guests. I think I need to learn to ENJOY the process of cooking more.
I was a brand new mum, baby just 4 weeks old, when my husband decided to entertain business clients at home. In order to make the evening a simple as possible I thought I would make Nasi Goreng. I prepped most of the ingredients in advance….clever me. However when it came to serving the meal, through my fog of tiredness I could not understand why the paella looked so bland and my guests looked so startled at what they were being served.
Long story short, 2 days later I found half of the missing ingredients that should have been in the nasi goring, dried out in the warming draw.
I laughed and laughed and laughed……….
My reluctance in having others over is usually what to serve for the food. I usually end up inviting others over anyways and then worrying about the food an hour or two before they come. I’m crazy like that. I have friends coming for lunch TODAY and have absolutely no idea what I’m going to serve. Makes me a wreck for a little bit, but it’s always worked out!
I spent so much time focusing on perfection that I never enjoyed my guests. Most of the time I stayed in a panic or frenzy never enjoying the time together, because I was trying to keep everything perfect. I have come a long way, but still have to make the effort not to want constant perfection, but desire the company of friends more. Jackie
jackie recently posted..Total Yummy Goodness!!
I was so excited to make my first cobbler for guests. Luckily, I bought enough to make two, because… I wrote down the recipe wrong! I wrote down 1 tbsp of salt instead of 1/8 tsp of salt! It was like a salt lick! My poor husband ate a few bites and said “… but it looks so good!” I looked up the recipe again and realized my mistake before making the second one! I can never hear the end of that one though! I can’t wait to get this book! Looks adorable!!
hmmmm…there are so many! Like the time I tried to make club pizza as an appetizer. I was 3 months postpartum, My hair was falling out like crazy and sitting down to enjoy a snack with my friends…they found my HAIR in their food. So embarrassing. There are many more that’s just the one that I thought of first. I am definitely the reluctant entertainer.
Terri recently posted..A Good Wordthat needs to be heard by ME
I hosted my first ever Thanksgiving dinner, and cooked the turkey in a bag. Since I had two guy friends over helping to do prep work, I asked them to move the turkey from the bag to the platter, but apparently they didnt realize how hot it was. They dropped the turkey, and it FLEW across the room. I was mortified to serve Thanksgiving dinner sans turkey, but everyone else had a good laugh, and it’s come to be one of my favorite stories.
I’ve always been an uptight hostess. My mother was from the ‘hat and glove’ generation and always hosted parties to perfection. I picked up many of her skills but it was never enjoyable for me to have people over and I sweated the many details, always scurrying around during the party. It’s part of my duties as a military spouse to entertain and I’ve done so many times, sometimes willingly and sometimes not so willingly. It wasn’t until I hit 40 and my husband became senior enough that I stopped worrying about entertaining to impress and began to enjoy the process and the company. Getting older can be liberating but unfortunately, with age, I no longer have the cute figure your model does so I’ll be sportin’ that apron with a dress with sleeves : )
I could come up with a million excuses, but the one that seems to hit me in the eyes right now…I hate my kitchen and I don’t want anyone to see it. Perhaps I should be throwing outdoor dinner parties!
Kimberlee J. recently posted..The Winner!
Melissa–I thought I was reading about myself when I read that you did “make-it-yourself” parties and cared more about decorating than the food. It is so great to know there are others like me! My best “I don’t have to cook” party was a chili cook-off. Every one had to bring a pot of their best chili and we had a contest. My house looked like a true western saloon and all the contest papers were adorable. And my husband made our chili entry! I think I need to buy this book if I don’t win a copy.
I’ve had several “worsts” but I keep entertaining anyway, because I love to nourish people on every level. One of those moments was when I had a dinner group of 12. After I served the dessert and the group began eating it, I noticed everyone seemed awkwardly quiet. When I took a bite, I realized why: my new dessert recipe tasted just like minty toothpaste squeezed on a chocolate cookie base . . . When I said so and asked if everyone brought their toothbrushes, the table exploded in relieved laughter; we all pushed our desserts aside, and had a bag of Oreos instead. Delicious!
Doris recently posted..It Starts with a Dream
My reluctance to entertain is I worry about my house not being clean enough, or big enough!! I don’t know why I worry about these things because in the end it all works out great!! I guess I don’t have enough confidence.
Love following along with your blog. Hope you have a blessed day:)
My biggest “reluctance”? I just never know what I should cook! Should it be shophisticated? should I keep it simple & cook something I regularly cook for our everyday meals?
So yes, I’m a reluctant entertainer… and so, that book is for me!
Thanks for the chance!
linedupuy(at)hotmail(dot)fr
It’s funny but I have the cooking thing down but for me the hardest part of entertaining is getting the house tidied up. I love it when it is done mind you but it takes a fair effort.
Grace recently posted..Welcome Gina from Three Ring Cottage
I would love to entertain, but the layout on our first floor is terrible. There is no room.
Twitter: makeroomfor
says:
I wish I could pinpoint my reluctance, I must be suppressing it–because I know it is there or I would invite more guests! I don’t fear what to cook or having the house presentable. I actually think I fear the mess it makes, which is horrible because every time we have guests for a meal the blessing FAR out weights the mess.
I always worry that the food just won’t turn out just right. You know how you can make something a hundred times, then you make it for guests and it just doesn’t work. And time management is always an issue. You want entertaining to look effortless, but of course it’s not. But I’ve learned to be fearless and just go for it. The best part is just being with people you care about!
Sharon recently posted..Confessions- I Was a Reluctant Entertainer – Apron- Tea Towel & Book Giveaway!
Melissa, I’m a pastor’s wife too and I think the thing I’ve been most reluctant about is the state of my house. Whether or not it’s clean. Whether or not it meets the expectations of those coming to visit. Whether or not it’s as beautiful as the next girl’s. Most times I can overcome the reluctance, but then sometimes I’m just plain nervous. (And I’d SO love to have a copy of this book!)
carol recently posted..happy mothers day!
My biggest hang up about having people over, is getting my house clean. I work full time and have 4 kids, so my house is NEVER clean.
I am slowly getting better at hosting but the key is planning. One time I cooked Thanksgiving dinner for several friends in college while on study abroad. I wanted to show them wha ta real Thanksgiving was like. I dropped a pie face down on the floor, my french roommate thought lemon meringue pie should be hot and microwaved it, and then the turkey didn’t quite fit in our tiny overseas oven so I had to bend the sides of the oven to make it fit. Turkey didn’t quite fully cook so we microwaved everyones portions to ensure it was done. It was a disaster but everyone had a great time. 10 years later it is still the best Thanksgiving I have ever had.
I was making dinner for a friend/coworker of my husband’s that had graciously volunteered his time to help us lay our hardwood floors. I made a HUGE (and expensive) spread of food. I decided when I made all the dishes to change it up a little, and use seasoning salt instead of regular salt. Well, I didn’t know that I needed to use MUCH LESS of the seasoning salt. The entire meal was HORRIBLE! Even my husband, who is a salt-aholic, couldn’t eat it.
I was so embarrassed! It has taken me THREE years to get brave enough to cook for anyone else again!
Robin recently posted..Expensive look at a low price
Oh my goodness, it has to be the time I cooked ribs for friends when we were first married. I had no idea how to cook ribs and I should never have attempted it because we had blackened, charred, shoe-leather ribs for dinner that night. They were AWFUL, and I was so embarrassed.
Let’s just say I’ve come a long way in 25 years!
Shelly recently posted..Guess Where and a giveaway!
Once, only once, mind you, we had a priest over for dinner. I served tacos because I knew it was something the kids would eat without complaining, and I’m sure they get lots of fancy dinners. To simplify, I prepared all the tacos and put them in a basket for serving. Father took his, and passed it to my son who took his and dropped the whole basket on the floor!
The stain is still on the floor and I dread having people over, though I really want to entertain!
Sara recently posted..7 Quick Takes
My biggest hesitation when it comes to having people over is having time to get things set up and the house clean. I’m not a messy housekeeper, but I do have a very furry dog that can take the house from spotless to a pigpen in a matter of hours. So with all the cooking that I inevitably want to do to have people come over there’s precious little time to dash through the house fluffing pillows and clearing away the dog hair tumbleweeds! I’m probably the only one who notices, but still!
I think my biggest hangup with entertaining is that my house is never clean enough. I live with a messy man, dontcha know?
Most embarrassing entertainment faux pas: Christmas, 19-ninety-something. Eggnog. In a carton. Went to pour it into a lovely bowl for serving. In front of the whole family. The carton was bloated and the eggnog was lumpy – and I didn’t know it wasn’t supposed to be that way. Siblings are still laughing at me. Glad no one else was there!
My husband and I were invited to an acquaitance home for dinner. She was a gourmet cook and a perfectionist. I had made strawberry ice cream for dessert and my husband had raved about how great it was. It was my mother’s receipe, but I had failed to cut and smash the strawberries. We had wonderful vanilla ice cream with rock solid strawberries! The look on that woman’s face was priceless and I wanted to hide behind a rock. I have been making ice cream now for 30 years and it is always vanilla. Somehow this story is repeated to family and friends and I just smile and said it was a great learning experience.
My most embarrassing moment was Thanksgiving about 30 years ago. I was fairly new at hosting, cooking for large numbers etc. We were having my family for Thanksgiving dinner. It was my first experience cooking a turkey. I took the bird out of the oven and started carving. I did not know there would be a sack of turkey parts under the flap at the neck! After we all had a good laugh, my mother talked me through the finer points of turkey baking. The book sounds great!
Virginia recently posted..Summer Fun!
I can’t wait to entertain, we just moved from a small apartment to a large house – all I need to do is get things together, unpack, find the pots & pans & dishes, and send out the invites. Oh yeah and train two outta control labs!
…well my goodness…i am just so thankful for “the inspired room”…because i never ever would have looked at the “inspired meal”…and then i would have missed out on so much…there is not a thing in this world any of you should be reluctant about…you make me smile everyday…
When we first moved into our new house, we wanted to have everyone over family and friends. It coincided with our son’s blessing celebration. My mom and I wanted to make her infamous blackberry cobbler for one of the desserts. We could not wait until it cooled down to take that first wonderful bite. Mom took the first bite and made an awful face and said. “don’t eat it.” Of course, we asked why and she said she must have grabbed the salt instead of the sugar when making the cobbler. I have a set of white canisters and a salt box. She put in a cup of salt instead of sugar. Oh, well, we did have several other wonderful dishes and desserts and no one worried much over it except mom who was disappointed to waste such wonderful blackberries.
ps..allow me to graciously take my name out of the wonderful giveaway…i am too old to be reluctant about anything…
Both of my wonderful children are autistic, and although our friends and family love them and don’t care that their behavior is inappropriate at times, I’m always worried that a meltdown, or stripping of clothes, or diaper removal may occur just as we’re sitting down to eat. Between those possibilities and my perfectionist tendencies (causing a general distaste of the clutter in my house) I am a reluctant entertainer who dreams of hosting the perfect dinner party.
Lyndsey recently posted..Sanctuary
My husband & I grocery shopped prior to having friends over for a cookout. When home he put the over flow in our basement refrigerator. The day of the party he fired up the grill, I went down to get the steaks and discovered he had put them in the freezer. I had to go out & buy more steaks. All our guests out a good laugh.
Gale recently posted..Bird Feeder
I’m not sure if I can (or want to) handle preparing food for others to eat and enjoy when it’ll be the only thing to eat! What if they don’t like it or someone has an allergy or just thinking about worse-case scenarios even before it all happens.
Hana K. recently posted..Hot Summer Days
I love entertaining, but am always worrying until the last minute about what couple things I still need to get down. In reality, I could let quite a few of those things go undone and the guests would never notice. My worst entertaining story is when we had a get together with some cousins of mine – about 25 at the time. Our wonderful dog decided she needed to go #2 in the living room while we were all congregated there and she could not wait until she was outside. I was completely embarassed and ready to get rid of the dog (she is still here). Thanks for the chance at a great giveaway!!!