I have a little entertaining etiquette question to throw out for all of you! I was preparing a monthly decorating & lifestyle column that I write and I got talking to my husband about proper party hosting etiquette. We like to throw parties at our house and we have refined our routines over the years for how to pull it all off. You’ll get to read my Top Ten Holiday Hospitality tips when the article comes out if you want to, I won’t spoil the fun by posting it now.
But as I was thinking about hospitality my husband brought up one of his pet peeves. It has to do with shoes. So I decided that since we are in the throws of the holiday party season, I would put the topic out for all of you to battle over, I hope you will lend your insight, etiquette knowledge, personal bias and maybe cultural differences to our topic.
The questions are:
Is it acceptable for a hostess to ask or imply that guests remove their shoes when they enter your house?
Should a host or hostess have shoes on?
Or if you are the guest, should you remove your shoes if your host doesn’t specify either way? What if your host has no shoes on, or there is a pile of shoes by the door, does that imply a “no shoes” rule?
Please tell me what you think, why you think it, and where you are from if it is a cultural thing!
I am sure you will all have your own opinions on the matter, as I do, and I can’t wait to hear them! Don’t be shy! And don’t just say what you think is PROPER, tell me what experiences you have had with this at other people’s houses, or if you prefer people take their shoes off at your house! I know people on both sides of the fence here so be brave and tell me what you think!
READ THE FOLLOW UP FOR A FUNNY SHOE STORY!
Photo credit: Better Homes & Gardens online
Special thanks to Julie at Nunnie’s Attic for this special award! She embodies the Christmas spirit like none other! I’m passing it on to another special lady, Becky at Sweet Cottage Dreams!
Hahaha! Following you from Terri’s Windlost thinking how positively brilliant you are. All the comments prove that you hit a nerve today!!
I take my shoes off when I enter someone’s home..unless I am told specifically to leave them on. When people come here I tell them to leave their shoes on…I’d rather people be comfortable and I don’t worry about marks or stains. Life is too short to worry about that…I’d rather spend quality time with people I like than make them be “stiff” and uncomfortable in my home. There are still people who will take them off when I’ve said “keep them on”.
Hi Melissa,
I got your name from Donna over at the Decorated House…..what a lovely blog you have !!!
Yes I think everyone should take their shoes off, I was raised to take mine off….we live in the NE..so once the Winter arrived my Mum would actually leave a note on the porch. My kids don’t think twice about it….they just kick them off at the backdoor. If you really think about it why would you want to bring the outdoors inside ???
When people come to my house they know I prefer shoes off….
Last year we had some work done at the house and the worker put these booties on over his workboots….I tracked down where they bought them and
bought a box….I was having a XMas party so I got them in red. And of course Martha Stewart has all of her guests remove their shoes…she passes out slipper socks.
I have to add that my husband’s family never take off their shoes…..only when they come here.
It is a pet peeve of mine…so I’m sorry if I went on and on.
Looking forward to reading what others think.
Kathy
Hi Melissa, First of all, thank you for your kind words and….you have inspired me. That photo is gorgeous. I have tall windows like that in my den and I think I will hang wreaths on all of them for Christmas. I would never ask my guest at a party to take their shoes off (and I have white area rugs in the living room and white carpet upstairs). However, I have had parties where the guest automatically removed their shoes because it was rainy and muddy. With that being said all my family leaves their shoes in the front hallway because they know Mama doesn’t want her white stairs to get dirty. Now if only the dog would take his shoes off.
I live in a neighborhood of “newer homes” and it seems that just about everyone takes shoes off. It seems like a given, but I have never cared if a person wears shoes in my home. I am actually embarressed if someone is here for a second……to say…..pick up a child and they slip their shoes off. I have made it clear that you CAN wear your shoes in my home. I would NEVER ask someone to take their shoes off. I think it’s rude to ask anyone, or rude to have a sign at the door. With children running in and out, I do ask them to remove their shoes. Kids shoes are nasty. Now if someone in a household has serious allergies ect…. then I would never be offended if I were asked to remove shoes.
I think in general people are uncomfortable to take shoes off, especially at a party. That’s my Dollar’s worth.
NO!!! I don’t think it’s good etiquette at all. I have never asked a guest to remove their shoes. Tacky! If ones carpets, rugs, floors are that valued, company doesn’t need to be invited in my opinion.
Great post!
Wow! We have opinions, don’t we?
The only time I have shoes on at my house is if I’m entertaining planned guests. If someone drops in I’ll be barefooted and stay that way. I’d never ask someone to take their shoes off, no matter how tempting it is to protect the wood floors, but I wouldn’t mind a bit if they did.
What a great question, Melissa! Shoes should definitely stay on. I NEVER like walking around in my fabulous dress without shoes. You have to clean up after a party anyway! Shoes aren’t that dirty!
Wow–58 comments! this is a popular subject. All I know is that I don’t want to remove my shoes in public. I am short, I like to wear heels and sometimes skip a pedicure. Floors were meant to be tread upon anyway.
I would never wear shoes inside someone’s house — especially if it has carpet. Who knows what you’ve step in on the way over, and I wouldn’t want to walk around someone’s house wearing shoes that have been outside.
Most people that I know either remove their shoes at the door or else bring along a pair of inside shoes/slippers to wear after taking off their outside shoes.
Well what are the door mats for if not to wipe off your shoes before entering? Especially during the Holiday Season for a party, shoes are part of the ensemble, no? I have a big basket of shoes for my family for most of the time. But I agree with what looks like the majority here: a good hosts job is to ensure the comfort of his/her guests. If that means cleaning your floors after the party, then so be it! Great post Melissa! You have the most fun blog!
Hello Melissa,
Love, love love the question! I have had many an occasion at my lovely nest, some where I asked for shoe removal with darling little sign hung on the front door, and I also have had a few get togethers that shoes were kept on. I really think that when people are coming to an event that they have been invited to most likely they are not hiking through the mud pits before they are going to arrive, and take notice in being dressed for an occasion. Plus, I really didnt like having a mountain of shoes at my front door. So, I go with shoes on, buy a great door mat, clean up later and enjoy your friends!!
Also, you posted to my coastalnest that your photo was up so I came to “check you out” I cannot find you sweet sister!!!
buzzz back by and we can get together and chat.
Lisa
coastalnest
I understand that in some countries it’s a cultural thing and if I was in that situation, I would remove my shoes. However, I have a thing about walking around in socks, I hate it, so I don’t remove my shoes. On occasion people have asked me to remove them at the door and I usually just say “no thank you” or “I don’t do that” and no one has ever insisted. I think it’s totally fine if someone WANTS to remove their shoes. And if I have on sandals and want to remove my shoes and walk around at a barbeque in barefeet or something, that’s fine too. I’m really amazed at how many other people feel the same way as I do – I thought I was the only oddball that felt this way. Apparently not.
Hi Michelle! Well we agree with Natasha, your shoes are a part of your whole outfit! A major part, lol! And the hostess should have shoes on as well, we think
Have a wonderful day! J & J 
I am a little surprised that this is even a topic for people in other parts of the world.
In India (most of the region except so called modern mentality pockets) removing shoes is a way of life. Outside the home or inside at the entrance (where) is not important.You don’t bring outside dirt into the home!(wiping off on door mats is just not enough) For us it is a matter of cleanliness & hygiene,as simple as that simple!! Like my grandpa I would shamelessly ask if someone does not remove shoes at the entrance automatically.
Full marks & many thanks to you for bringing up seemingly such a small but imp. lifestyle topic!
Hey Melissa -lovely to have you drop by today
. I am rather a fan of your blog 
I would agree with no.10. Ess McD – she sums it up beautifully.
I personally would never ask a guest to remove their shoes (except for the children that have just been running around in the muddy yard). I also think it’s an important part of the outfit. Although, in the snow, with all of the sand you can track into someone’s home, I would hope my guests would wipe their feet really well!
Omg, I certainly would not like to attend a party where I had to remove my shoes. I would never ask people to remove their shoes. I would die if I had peeling toenail polish and on occasion I do. I don’t feel that is very welcoming. Now, I totally understand why people would want shoes removed. Geez.. we walk in public restrooms and no telling where else…it totally grosses me out. I currently do not have any carpet in my house, just rugs. Another point… a lot of people like to step outside during a party and it would be very inconvenient to have to stop and put shoes on.
Melissa,
Your blog is going on my list of blogs to visit regularly. Great ideas throughout! I especially enjoy the posts with French influence. Thanks also for visiting my blog (the one with the wristwarmers). Congratulations on being in the top 10 too!
Hi Melissa, SO SORRY, we are scatterbrained Bowerbirds this week
lol J & J xo
well….In Hawai’i where I lived for 10 years we always took off our shoes….that was the custom. I was a teacher and got so used to not wearing shoes at all!! I was always found barefoot running aroung the classeroom and campus. Then I moved back to Calif…and my husband was always telling me to put on shoes…so I guess I eventully gave in and I wear shoes most them time..now to your question…I understand why the host would ask to remove your shoes but…if I wear certain shoes..even with the odor eaters…my feet sometimes stink really stink…so I would probably offend everyone at the party if I took my shoes off!! Egads!! I think it should be up to the individual guest….Leave a pair by the door and that might suggest to them to take off their shoes…but I would never ask them to do so. If you want to host you have to be willing to deal with the clean up….
I personally don’t tell my guests to take their shoes off. But some just do anyway, so I leave it up to them. I do keep a bench by the door with a deep tin bucket where I throw my kids shoes becuase kids, well that is a different story as they don’t always remember to wipe and have a habit of running in the mud. But if we are talking about adults, you could give them an option by leaving a big basket filled with socks or slippers like Martha Stewart says to do. I include my shoes as part of my outfit and when I have to take them off it feels like I just messed up my “look”
) I have a sister-in-law that leaves a little poem and note on the door to remove the shoes, so when I go there I always try to remember that and not include the shoes as part of the outfit. This is a very interesting topic. The picture posted is soooo gorgeous as usual!!
Well Martha Stewart requires shoes be removed and does have slippers at the door in a basket for guests.
Melissa: GREAT topic! I could only read through the first nine responses, so if this has already been said, my apologies!
Whenever I’m hosting a party, I line a few pairs of my own shoes along the wall by the door. It usually poses the question from the guest, “Would you like us to take off our shoes?”
We ALWAYS answer… “only if you want to, but it’s no big deal.” Because it’s not. My husband and I take off our shoes every day, but that doesn’t mean the guest needs to if he/she isn’t comfortable with doing so. As a host or hostess, you’re offering your home for the comfort of others, and that’s the responsibility that you accept when inviting others into your home.
A million rules bend when you have guests over, whether intentionally or not. I suggest to make the shoe rule one that is available for bending, just in case a guest has a hole in their sock.
I grew up in a house where we NEVER wore shoes in the house. I really think its a cultural thing – I am asian and we always took our shoes off. Even when I go other people’s homes where it wasn’t required, I still took off my shoes. While I have never had to ask anyone who came over to my house to take off their shoes, most of my friends and colleagues have been courteous enough to realize that that was what I did in my home and didn’t make a fuss over it. As long as they didn’t have dirty shoes, its not a big deal to me. But I think its always courteous as the guest to notice these things and ask if uncertain, especially if the host is a different religion or culture.
I don’t ask people to remove their shoes and if someone comes in and automatically begins to take their shoes off, I ask them to leave them on. I don’t want their sweaty feet all over my floor. I’d rather clean up after mud/dirt than that.
You have plenty of opinions here, on your question. I’m not gonna’ weigh in on that. But oh that room you put at the top of your entry! {for which you left a credit link} Oh my! Oh sighhhhhh… I LUV it!!!!
Mari-Nanci
We have a no shoe house because we have little kids crawling all over the floors. We do not, however, require that anyone take off shoes when visiting. Sometimes people ask – most families we know take off shoes too – and we tell them we do, but do not feel obligated. Parties, I think shoes stay on.
Heather
Wow…you have really received a lot of response to this sensitive issue. After living in Germany for many years, we always remove shoes in the house. Europeans have house shoes for wear indoors, street shoes for wear outside the house. I certainly do not require guests to remove their shoes, but many do as they model what we do. Guests should be comfortable in my home; their choice as to the shoe issue. There are many reasons to and many reasons not to as is evidenced here in all responses. When hosting a social gathering in my home, I do wear shoes. This is probably the only time! I will share an incident with you, then stop blathering..lol. I once had a visitor to my home which had gorgeous, original, wooden floors with some rugs, but also much exposed wood flooring. The visitor wore stiletto heels. Upon her departure, I noticed many pings to the floor as the sharp heel dug in with each step. Actually, you could follow her steps around the house. Kind of like she had left bread crumbs behind. She would have been so very embarrassed to know of this, don’t you know. Just a thought if you plan on wearing stiletto heels into a home.
What a great post! We have all wood floors, and I generally don’t wear shoes inside my home, even while entertaining. Unless I am in bad need of a pedicure, or the party is a bit fancier than normal. I am from Florida though, where flip flops can be dressy with the right bling! I wouldn’t ask any of my guests to take off their shoes, but if it would make them more comfortable, they would certainly be welcome to. I have noticed since we moved to VA, a lot of people take of their shoes when coming in. I think this has more to do with lots of farms and animals….who knows where your shoes have been!
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It is only appropriate to request that guests remove their shoes at the door when suitable storage and fresh slippers are provided. No guest should be asked to roam around barefoot or in their stocking feet.
Thankfully, I have never been in an Asian home where suitable footwear was not provided. Seems to me that if a westerner is that worried about his rugs/mats, he should roll them up before guests arrive.
Joie at Canned Laughters inspiring blog post..Diamonds Are So Prosaic
Joie,
“It is only appropriate to request that guests remove their shoes at the door when suitable storage and fresh slippers are provided. No guest should be asked to roam around barefoot or in their stocking feet.”
A lot of people would rather be in bare or stocking feet than wear borrowed slippers, even if you tell them the slippers are freshly cleaned.
You might like to visit my blog on the subject of removing shoes in homes: Shoes Off at the Door, Please
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